


Planet Hoth

by Magda Kamenev (MagdaK)



Category: Farscape
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 01:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagdaK/pseuds/Magda%20Kamenev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little bit of Farscape arrives on Earth briefly to disrupt one man's snow-shoveling after a blizzard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Planet Hoth

Ken had just finished shoveling snow from the long driveway when he saw the untidy heap of blue detritus on the ground in the copse of trees on the other side of the road. He thought it likely to be a heap of rags, or a tarp, blown off a passing truck. Out of a sense of neighborliness and curiosity, he walked over to it.

A bundle of beautiful cloth covered something big. Ken was about to prod it with his foot when it whirled in front of him. Before he could register his surprise, he was held against a tree by his throat by a figure that was tall, thin and quite pissed. As well as being unmistakenly blue. Not-blue-tinged-from-the-cold blue. Cornflower blue ... or azure.

Ken made several assessments in a flash: this person was obviously crazy, very cold, and was strong enough to do him major damage. He tried to speak, but could only rasp. The figure leaned forward and hissed, and Ken stared at beautiful, wide-set blue eyes, full of fury and confusion, in a regal, feminine face.

He held up his hands in what he hoped she would recognize as the universal symbol of I Mean You No Harm and cast his eyes downward. It worked -- she let go of him and took several steps back, immediately wrapping her arms around her chest to protect herself from the cold.

"Where am I?" Her voice was low and melodic, despite the fact that she was still hissing through chattering teeth. Despite the fact that she was violently shivering, she remained in an alert, wary stance. Ken decided to take the question at face value. "You're in the woods near my house. Do you remember how you got here?"

The woman practically snarled, "Your home is unimportant to me! Is this Earth?"

'Uh oh,' he thought. Refugee from a sci-fi con has lost her marbles. Despite common sense telling him to back away and just call the authorities to come to get her, he couldn't leave her alone out here. She was obviously confused and very cold. And she was quite fascinating. Her blue skin was the best makeup he had ever seen and she spoke in an accent he could not place.

He should get her indoors, give her something hot to drink and some warmer clothes, then figure out how to get her back where she belonged. And his best bet to win her cooperation was to simply go along and answer her questions without upsetting her delusions. 

"Yes, this is Earth. Western Hemisphere, North America, United States, Michigan ... should I go on?"

She also slumped with relief, but stopped herself. "Crichton would be pleased ... if we ever see each other again. My pod ..." The woman looked back into the woods. "I'm not sure Moya will be able to follow." Then she dropped onto the snowy ground and cried, curling in on herself.

Ken edged close. He heard her talking to herself in a language he did not recognize. After some moments, he reached out and lightly shook her shoulder. "Hey."

She stood up, startled, and began to scramble away, but checked herself and stood her ground. Ken noted her eyes shone with tears, and her tear-stained cheeks were just as blue as blue. Nor was there any blue residue on the snow that had been against her face and hands. He ignored that for now. "I want to help you get back home."

She laughed, a sweet sound of low chimes that seized his imagination, even as he heard the derisive tone of it. "Home is ... well, I'd settle for getting back to my ship, and that is an impossibility in this primitive place!"

The snowfall was letting up, but Ken was starting to get cold. "Let's go inside and we can talk about how to get you to wherever you need to be. I promise you, I won't try any funny stuff."

"You don't want to try humor? I don't understand." Her glittery blue eyes widened and Ken felt a sensation he dared not analyze or indulge in at that point.

"Just please ... trust me. And follow me back to where I can give you coffee or something else hot to drink. And then we can try to formulate a plan from there." 

"But first, what is your name?"

"Oh! My name is Ken. And you are?"

She drew herself up to her full height and intoned, "I am Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan."

Ken bit his lip before responding. "So people call you Pa'u?"

She smiled condescendingly. "Pa'u is my title. I am a tenth-level Priestess. My friends call me Zhaan."

"If you don't mind me taking the liberty of calling you Zhaan, shall we get going?" She nodded and they made their way towards the road, he holding onto her arm to help her through the snow. The snow had stopped and the clouds were starting to disburse.

"You've made a reference to Crichton. Is that the person who left you out here?"

"Well, yes. It? was his experiment that brought me here. He was trying to open a wormhole to come back here, to his home planet."

"Is this not your home planet?" Ken reminded himself to play along, so that he didn't spook her.

Again, her musical trill of laughter arrested him. "Why no. I'm a Delvian. My planet is no where near this galaxy, this sector, even."

"So, if you're not human, why are we able to communicate in English?" The question was out of Ken's mouth before he could stop himself.

"My translator microbe has adapted to Crichton's language, and you speak the same. And you understand me because I've learned quite a bit of Crichton's language. We've been together several cycles, you see, and his culture, though primitive, is so fascinating."

They had crossed the road when the clouds parted to expose a brilliant blue sky and gorgeous bright sun. Zhaan gasped and looked up, a smile slowly spreading across her face.  
Ken had taken a couple of steps ahead, but stopped when he realized she had slowed. He had been heading up the driveway, but she veered towards the middle of the front yard, covered with a thick blanket of powdery snow.

He watched as she grew stronger as they walked over the snowy expanse of his yard, her back straighter, her face more open. Ken was briefly mesmerized by the way the light reflected off the small green dots clustered on her forehead.

Her stride increased as she lifted her face to the sky. Halfway to the house, in the middle of the snowy expanse of yard, she stopped and raised her hands, palms up. Ken watched as she began to hum. And she stood there, silently beaming with joy. He tried prodding her forward, but she ignored him utterly. Attempting to prod her forward was futile -- it was as if she had grown roots.

Ken would have been transfixed, it if were only a few degrees warmer, but now he was too cold to enjoy the sight of the sun-worshipping priestess. He shrugged and went inside the house, in desperate need of coffee. Returning outside with two steaming mugs, he found her where he left her, only she was laying down in the snow, making a snow angel. Her robe was beside her in the snow.

The woman was stark naked. And indeed blue all over. Except for clusters of iridescent green dots across her forehead, on her shoulders, below her navel-less belly … 

Her laugh broke him out of his reverie. Ken put the mugs aside and extended his hand to pull her up. She laughed again and arched her back, then took his hand to pull him down.

She had been so cold minutes before, but now, she was warm, even feverish, radiating bliss and heat. She never said a word as she undressed him, her heat enveloping him as they rolled about in the snow. They made snow angels of various contortions and filled the air with laughter and other sounds.

After a while, the sun was hidden by some clouds and they were both still. Ken got up, thinking again of coffee and being inside and what to do with this strange, miraculous woman. He got up, gathering his now-wet clothes and went inside. His thoughts all a blur, he put on dry clothes and made more coffee. When he went back outside, the woman was gone, but her robe was still there in the snow.

Ken stood there, staring at the snow angels left in the yard. A few minutes later, a tall, brown-haired man who seemed quite at ease in his surroundings, even though he looked like he didn't belong, walked up him to take the robe. Ken didn't even see where he had come from. "You saw nothing?" the stranger asked.

Ken nodded, then handed a mug of cooling coffee to the man. "I saw nothing. But …"

The man drank the coffee eagerly, as though it was his first cup in a long time. "Yes?"

Ken was torn about how to ask what he wanted to know. "Is she always like -"

The stranger smirked. "Like that? No, no. Zhaan has what I call photogasms. Excess solar radiation makes her, well, like that."

Ken muttered, "Lucky bastard."

"I heard that. On the contrary, we thought she was bad with solar flares … who knew that the reflexive properties of snow could, well, oh, look at the time, I gotta go. You saw nothing." The man handed the empty mug back to Ken.

"I saw nothing. But take good care of her ... Commander Crichton."

The man smirked again. "So you do recognize me? I wondered. As much as I'd love to stay and shoot the breeze with you, I have to get back and stop an escapee from a S&M dungeon from figuring out how to get here and anywhere else in the universe his twisted frelling mind wants to go."

Ken couldn't quite parsed that and thought to himself that he really didn't want to. "I saw nothing. I heard nothing."

Crichton opened his mouth, then shut it and shook his head. "Thank you for seeing after my friend."

 

"You're welcome. And I firmly believe that she's already paid me back, in spades."

Ken turned and walked back inside the house, definitely in need of a stiff drink.

A few hours later, the front door opened and closed, and he yelled out, "Welcome home, dear!" from the back of the house. As he came up to greet his beloved wife, she replied, "Hello, honey! Hey, what's with the snow angels outside?"


End file.
